Since the new year officially starts this week, I figured I would use today's weigh-in as my official starting weight for my re-start. I also took measurements of my waist, hips and bust. I'm of course, not happy with any of it. But, I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Shit happens. It's happened and now it's time to finally kick this obesity/laziness monster to the curb. 2012 was not a great year. I experienced a lot of loss followed by grief and depression. I obviously didn't handle it all to well. So, while I cannot control loss in that aspect, I can control how I handle it. I will work much harder to handle loss in a much healthier way. Typically when I lost someone close, I'd develop this attitude/mentality... well we're all going to die someday so I might as well do whatever the hell I want; that includes eating whatever I want. So I do and then I gain weight and then I feel like crap. That's gotta stop. So God forbid I lose someone close this year, but if I do I will make a better effort to handle it differently. I can grieve without the comfort of food.
So here are the numbers.
Weight: 309.8
Measurements:
Waist: 53
Hips: 63
Bust: 50.5
Good lord! Anyway, it starts now.
I will make mini goals as opposed to large goals. My first mini goal: Lose 10 lbs. That will get me back below 300.
My first change: Reduce the amount of soda pop I drink and drink more water. Even flavored water is better than all the soda pop I drink. I've been drinking it daily and that's going to stop. To begin, I'll have it only as a treat if we go to the movies.
Exercise. I'll start with shooting for at least three days a week. I should be able to handle that.
Weigh-ins will be on Saturday as that is when I weigh in for Weight Watcher's anyway. No, I don't really follow the Weight Watcher plan and don't know that I will. Not sure, haven't decided.
I absolutely hate tracking my food, but I will try. I have an account through My Fitness Pal. I'll also blog daily.
That's all for now. Take care.
Peace.Love.Smile
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
An Update
It’s been a while since I’ve visited or written in this blog. Can’t say as though the reason for that is because I met all my weight loss goals and life is perfect. Sounds good, but no, that’s not the case. I have been doing YouTube videos on occasion still. Things get busy and I just don’t take the time to write even though I find that writing is very therapeutic and something I enjoy.
I’ve been dealing with a lot of depression again. I don’t like it. I’ve been going to counseling since January. I started because of the feelings I was having after my dad passed away in November of 2011. It’s been over a year since his passing already. Time flies. In March, my good friend Heidi passed away. I think that is what really triggered more grief. Losing a parent is difficult. I won’t lie. But there’s something different about losing a best friend who is close in age. Heidi was like a sister. I loved her to bits. I often tried helping her too. She had a lot of pain in her life. She liked to drink and take a lot of pills trying to relieve herself of the pain. She dealt with all of this for months. Finally she was diagnosed with MS. Things went down quickly from there. I’m not sure why and will never know, but she wandered away from her daughter’s house one evening and was found face down in a pond the next day. That day was my daughter’s birthday, March 7. I cried. I was angry too because I wasn’t able to help her…she didn’t let me come over when I asked. I offered. I did. I think she had too much pride and didn’t want me seeing her in the condition she was. It was a tough time though. In July, my dog and her puppies died. Another loss. So in the last year, this loss has triggered a lot of grief. I never fully grieved the loss of my mom (passed in 2006). In August, my husband had some weird feelings in his chest and I got so scared. I ended up having panic/anxiety attacks. I had never had anything like this before and it scared me and my husband and daughter too. I ended up having time off work for a good 6 to 8 weeks. I’m now back to work, but I have to admit, it’s a bit tough. I’ve been having headaches almost daily. I think I can safely say, that my job just doesn’t fit anymore. My heart isn’t here and I just don’t feel very happy. I’ve decided to pursue returning to school. That’s as long as I can get financial aid because I certainly can’t afford it otherwise. I haven’t completely decided what I’ll take, but I’m thinking career move. I’ve even been looking at a bible college. Talk about different! Right now, I work in the Information Technology field. The other thought was business or web design. But, I don’t know. That didn’t seem to spark my heart when I thought about it.
As far as my weight….it’s horrible. I got on that scale this morning (fully clothed) and was 297 lbs. I wanted to cry quite honestly. I’m so close to 300 it’s painful. I’ll admit that the depression and hormones being so out of whack is having a big effect on all of it. There are times when I never feel full or satisfied. One would never even know I had weight loss surgery once upon a time. I’m trying hard not to feel like a fail. I know there are some other things factoring in here. Depression and Obesity are both diseases and they certainly don’t play well together. One feeds off the other quite literally. Both run in my family too. I should feel good about the fact that I (unlike those before me) am really trying to break the cycle. I really don’t want to see my kids struggle so much with depression. I haven’t been placing a lot of focus on the weight lately because I want to work through the depression. Counseling has been helping. I’m currently working on a book called “Making Peace with your Parents”. I’ve been identifying and dealing with a long list of resentments with my dad. It’s not been easy, but it’s been helpful. One might think that once your parent has passed on, everything is good and you can feel free. Perhaps some feel that way. But not me. I was still carrying around fear of my dad.
I like to believe that once I get through a lot of this grieving and find some inner peace, then I can naturally begin to lose weight. I feel like my body is hanging on to it for reasons I don’t quite understand. I do know that my body isn’t thrilled. My feet always hurt and I’ve been having these headaches, etc. I think I need to keep blogging again. Writing just may be some good medicine.
Take care and have yourself a good day. I’ll be back.
Peace.Love.Smiles
I’ve been dealing with a lot of depression again. I don’t like it. I’ve been going to counseling since January. I started because of the feelings I was having after my dad passed away in November of 2011. It’s been over a year since his passing already. Time flies. In March, my good friend Heidi passed away. I think that is what really triggered more grief. Losing a parent is difficult. I won’t lie. But there’s something different about losing a best friend who is close in age. Heidi was like a sister. I loved her to bits. I often tried helping her too. She had a lot of pain in her life. She liked to drink and take a lot of pills trying to relieve herself of the pain. She dealt with all of this for months. Finally she was diagnosed with MS. Things went down quickly from there. I’m not sure why and will never know, but she wandered away from her daughter’s house one evening and was found face down in a pond the next day. That day was my daughter’s birthday, March 7. I cried. I was angry too because I wasn’t able to help her…she didn’t let me come over when I asked. I offered. I did. I think she had too much pride and didn’t want me seeing her in the condition she was. It was a tough time though. In July, my dog and her puppies died. Another loss. So in the last year, this loss has triggered a lot of grief. I never fully grieved the loss of my mom (passed in 2006). In August, my husband had some weird feelings in his chest and I got so scared. I ended up having panic/anxiety attacks. I had never had anything like this before and it scared me and my husband and daughter too. I ended up having time off work for a good 6 to 8 weeks. I’m now back to work, but I have to admit, it’s a bit tough. I’ve been having headaches almost daily. I think I can safely say, that my job just doesn’t fit anymore. My heart isn’t here and I just don’t feel very happy. I’ve decided to pursue returning to school. That’s as long as I can get financial aid because I certainly can’t afford it otherwise. I haven’t completely decided what I’ll take, but I’m thinking career move. I’ve even been looking at a bible college. Talk about different! Right now, I work in the Information Technology field. The other thought was business or web design. But, I don’t know. That didn’t seem to spark my heart when I thought about it.
As far as my weight….it’s horrible. I got on that scale this morning (fully clothed) and was 297 lbs. I wanted to cry quite honestly. I’m so close to 300 it’s painful. I’ll admit that the depression and hormones being so out of whack is having a big effect on all of it. There are times when I never feel full or satisfied. One would never even know I had weight loss surgery once upon a time. I’m trying hard not to feel like a fail. I know there are some other things factoring in here. Depression and Obesity are both diseases and they certainly don’t play well together. One feeds off the other quite literally. Both run in my family too. I should feel good about the fact that I (unlike those before me) am really trying to break the cycle. I really don’t want to see my kids struggle so much with depression. I haven’t been placing a lot of focus on the weight lately because I want to work through the depression. Counseling has been helping. I’m currently working on a book called “Making Peace with your Parents”. I’ve been identifying and dealing with a long list of resentments with my dad. It’s not been easy, but it’s been helpful. One might think that once your parent has passed on, everything is good and you can feel free. Perhaps some feel that way. But not me. I was still carrying around fear of my dad.
I like to believe that once I get through a lot of this grieving and find some inner peace, then I can naturally begin to lose weight. I feel like my body is hanging on to it for reasons I don’t quite understand. I do know that my body isn’t thrilled. My feet always hurt and I’ve been having these headaches, etc. I think I need to keep blogging again. Writing just may be some good medicine.
Take care and have yourself a good day. I’ll be back.
Peace.Love.Smiles
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Been Awhile
I enjoy writing so why don't I visit and update this blog more often? Perhaps it's all the other social media websites available now. Facebook, You Tube, Google+ the list goes on. I am on Facebook and I also do vlogging on YouTube. I've been doing a daily video for over 260 days. At times, that feels like a part time job in and of itself.
At times, I wish I could make money off YouTube or blogging. I imagine perhaps I could if I had something of interest that drew people in. I just seem to lack that though.
If by some small chance there is anyone that still reads this, have you wondered about me? Curious how my weight loss is going? Well, I'll do a little update I guess.
Truth is, I haven't lost any weight since last November. I've been tossing around the same 3 lbs or so. Can we say plateau...or perhaps just really good at maintaining. I do exercise still but I'm either eating too much or too little. Perhaps some weeks I'm just not exercising enough. I really haven't figured out the perfect formula for me. And now, some emotional stuff as surfaced and things are just difficult.
I found out my dad has been dealing with lung cancer for a year now. A year! And nobody but his wife and doctors knew. He didn't want anyone knowing. In the last month, it was discovered that his cancer has spread to his brain. Latest scans show no improvement. Doctors will not be doing chemo. He has been given about 6 months. But one never really knows. I worry because we are going into winter when more illness goes around. In his weakened state, a simple cold wouldn't be so simple. Now, my dad and I haven't had the greatest of relationships. He was a pot smoker and drug dealer and emotional/verbal abuser. I did not respect him for his drug dealing or using. And as a result when I became an adult I distanced myself. I also kept my kids from him most of the time as I didn't want them exposed to any of that. We did do our birthday and holiday visits, but that was pretty much it. Now, none of this takes away the feelings of hurt and sadness that I feel as a result of his condition and eventual death. Being my last living parent, it's tough. Perhaps it's even tougher because of the poor relationship. Do I feel guilty? Should I? I kind of do and at times feel like I was a less than adequate daughter. However, being emotionally and verbally abused is not something one should have to expect from their father either. That is all in the past and I have made strides to have a relationship with my dad. I can feel good about that.
I've been doing well not turning to food for comfort. However, when I do eat, it's not always the best choice. And, when I'm dealing with that Time of Month...it's worse. I tend to eat more chocolate...it's like I become obsessed or something at times.
I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions right now. Many times, I feel numb. Other times I feel I could cry at the drop of a hat. And then other times I feel somewhat strong. There's no doubt a part of me is hurting. I think it's time to rebirth this blog and start writing more. While I do vlogging, sometimes it's hard to get it all out in a video talking to a camera. If there is anyone that reads this, I'd appreciate a comment to let me know you still follow.
Currently...at work. Feeling: kind of numb.
Peace - Love - Smiles
Dottie
At times, I wish I could make money off YouTube or blogging. I imagine perhaps I could if I had something of interest that drew people in. I just seem to lack that though.
If by some small chance there is anyone that still reads this, have you wondered about me? Curious how my weight loss is going? Well, I'll do a little update I guess.
Truth is, I haven't lost any weight since last November. I've been tossing around the same 3 lbs or so. Can we say plateau...or perhaps just really good at maintaining. I do exercise still but I'm either eating too much or too little. Perhaps some weeks I'm just not exercising enough. I really haven't figured out the perfect formula for me. And now, some emotional stuff as surfaced and things are just difficult.
I found out my dad has been dealing with lung cancer for a year now. A year! And nobody but his wife and doctors knew. He didn't want anyone knowing. In the last month, it was discovered that his cancer has spread to his brain. Latest scans show no improvement. Doctors will not be doing chemo. He has been given about 6 months. But one never really knows. I worry because we are going into winter when more illness goes around. In his weakened state, a simple cold wouldn't be so simple. Now, my dad and I haven't had the greatest of relationships. He was a pot smoker and drug dealer and emotional/verbal abuser. I did not respect him for his drug dealing or using. And as a result when I became an adult I distanced myself. I also kept my kids from him most of the time as I didn't want them exposed to any of that. We did do our birthday and holiday visits, but that was pretty much it. Now, none of this takes away the feelings of hurt and sadness that I feel as a result of his condition and eventual death. Being my last living parent, it's tough. Perhaps it's even tougher because of the poor relationship. Do I feel guilty? Should I? I kind of do and at times feel like I was a less than adequate daughter. However, being emotionally and verbally abused is not something one should have to expect from their father either. That is all in the past and I have made strides to have a relationship with my dad. I can feel good about that.
I've been doing well not turning to food for comfort. However, when I do eat, it's not always the best choice. And, when I'm dealing with that Time of Month...it's worse. I tend to eat more chocolate...it's like I become obsessed or something at times.
I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions right now. Many times, I feel numb. Other times I feel I could cry at the drop of a hat. And then other times I feel somewhat strong. There's no doubt a part of me is hurting. I think it's time to rebirth this blog and start writing more. While I do vlogging, sometimes it's hard to get it all out in a video talking to a camera. If there is anyone that reads this, I'd appreciate a comment to let me know you still follow.
Currently...at work. Feeling: kind of numb.
Peace - Love - Smiles
Dottie
Friday, August 28, 2009
I Fell Off and I'm Disappointed
The last month (at least), I've been feeling down and I don't know why. I'm not able to explain it. I don't understand it. Every now and then, I would just sit and cry. I couldn't bring myself to get on the scale either; hence the reason I haven't been on here in a while. Well... I just weighed myself and disappointed to report that I have gained. I'm back up to 349. Not cool. I just wish I knew what the deal is. A few months back, I was feeling so good. I was in great moods and everything. Things seemed to finally be looking up and then....something happened. I derailed. Pretty hard it seems. I still want to cry. What I need to do those is get this big fat caboose back up and hooked up to the train and get back on track.
I've been trying to evaluate things to see if I can figure out why I've been feeling the way I do and I just haven't figured it out. I'm quite frustrated about it. I recently signed up for a Disciple class at church. It starts on September 13. I'm hoping that becoming stronger spiritually will help. At times, I find myself really missing my mom and my grandparents. Seeing them, hugging them talking to them and hearing their laughter. I look at my kids and see how fast they are growing and I get scared of the time when they are both out of high school and out on their own. My life has been all about them. I love them so much and it seems so weird to think of them out on their own. I'm so emotional. It's so hard for me to think more about myself. I think that is part of my problem too. I've always put focus on the others (my husband or kids, my work, everything....but me). I find it hard to put so much thought into myself. Why is that? Does it stem from my poor self esteem that I've dealt with since childhood? Can I not get away from that awful nickname my dad use to call me (Porky). Do I feel a need somewhere deep within to live up to that nickname? Why do I have such a difficult time seeing that I'm a child of God and worth so much? I'm really hoping the Disciple class will help in many ways.
It's really no fun being so sad feeling. Time is flying so fast. I really need to start enjoying this blessing that is my life. With that I'll be saying a prayer...for myself as well.
I hope that you are doing better than I have been doing.
God Bless
♥ Dottie
I've been trying to evaluate things to see if I can figure out why I've been feeling the way I do and I just haven't figured it out. I'm quite frustrated about it. I recently signed up for a Disciple class at church. It starts on September 13. I'm hoping that becoming stronger spiritually will help. At times, I find myself really missing my mom and my grandparents. Seeing them, hugging them talking to them and hearing their laughter. I look at my kids and see how fast they are growing and I get scared of the time when they are both out of high school and out on their own. My life has been all about them. I love them so much and it seems so weird to think of them out on their own. I'm so emotional. It's so hard for me to think more about myself. I think that is part of my problem too. I've always put focus on the others (my husband or kids, my work, everything....but me). I find it hard to put so much thought into myself. Why is that? Does it stem from my poor self esteem that I've dealt with since childhood? Can I not get away from that awful nickname my dad use to call me (Porky). Do I feel a need somewhere deep within to live up to that nickname? Why do I have such a difficult time seeing that I'm a child of God and worth so much? I'm really hoping the Disciple class will help in many ways.
It's really no fun being so sad feeling. Time is flying so fast. I really need to start enjoying this blessing that is my life. With that I'll be saying a prayer...for myself as well.
I hope that you are doing better than I have been doing.
God Bless
♥ Dottie
Monday, July 13, 2009
Vacation Does Not Equal Free for All
Hey there everyone! Not sure that anyone has missed me or wondered where I've been, but I haven't posted in a while. I took a little over a week off work for vacation. I got on the scale this morning and was given a good hearty smack! I'm back up to 341! Not cool. But, I got nobody to blame but myself. Somewhere in my head, I must have thought Vacation meant time off from everything..including any efforts of weightloss. I'm not going to say I've been totally pigging out or anything, but I haven't been making the best choices either. I indulged everyday.
How do I feel about that? Well... honestly not too bad. I'm a little disappointed to see a higher number. But at the same time, I enjoyed vacation and all releases of commitments. I know...not the best thinking when it comes to weightloss. On the plus side, I do realize why I gained and know that now that vacation is over...I'm back on the track.
Summer is going fast isn't it? I can't believe we're in the 2nd week of July already. I say it frequently, but I hate how fast time flies!
I hope everyone is doing well.
♥ Dottie
How do I feel about that? Well... honestly not too bad. I'm a little disappointed to see a higher number. But at the same time, I enjoyed vacation and all releases of commitments. I know...not the best thinking when it comes to weightloss. On the plus side, I do realize why I gained and know that now that vacation is over...I'm back on the track.
Summer is going fast isn't it? I can't believe we're in the 2nd week of July already. I say it frequently, but I hate how fast time flies!
I hope everyone is doing well.
♥ Dottie
Thursday, June 18, 2009
A New Challenge
Let's see if I can commit to a new challenge - Fabulous N Fit By Fall. One of the things Heather asks is to post a starting scale image of the weight. Oh joy! Yeah, not really. But hey, I record the weight anyway so here's an image of it. By the way... I'm holding the camera trying to take the picture...good thing the camera doesn't weigh too much LOL. I weighed two days ago at the docs office and the scale there indicated 341.2. Did I actually drop a little in a couple days? Actually... probably not. I had my shoes on for that weigh in. Going forward, I must remember to not wear shoes :). And so it is... my official start in the Fabulous N Fit By Fall Challenge.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
This Sucks!
I'm about to start week 4 of this program and normally I do well. I've been doing well, but I tell you right now I'm craving some real food! The eggs cooking this morning smelled so good. The grilled cheese sandwich my daughter just made for her lunch smelled so good! I am feeling particularly weak at the moment. I gotta get over this. I think in my head that maybe I should just have a little of something real so that the craving will go away because if I don't, the fear is that I'll over indulge and get myself in bigger trouble. Why does losing weight have to be so difficult? And why, instead of looking at this as a positive change, I look at it as being in food prison. I guess if there is anything that I'm learning right now..it's that I love food! At least I'm not craving junk food. I'd love some chicken or fish or turkey. The thing is, I'm not really hungry right now. I'm just craving some real food. I can't believe I have like 12 more weeks or so to go of this. Am I doubting my strength? A little. I lost 13 lbs. in the first two weeks and I'm thrilled with that for sure. I do want this to work. I do want to lose more weight. I just wish I had some real food choices. But I gotta wait another 12 weeks or so for that.
Ugh!
Ugh!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Derailment
I think it's safe to say that I've derailed. I didn't go to my last weigh in. But because I have a scale at home, I know I've gained a little. I haven't been completely unconscious with my eating. I just haven't been putting any effort into the weightloss aspect of it.
I was on my way to work this morning and broke down in tears. Driving is not a good time for crying, however at least I don't have to take the major busy highways. I was on the back roads and traveling at 30 maybe.
Last week I heard that one of my friends has cervical cancer. Now I know that cervical is very treatable if caught early, and that helps...but not completely. After that, my 8th grade daughter tells me that one of her classmates is in the hospital with cancer and that another of her classmates mother just passed away unexpectedly. She was only 30. And instead of these terrible things making me want to work harder at my efforts. They made me stop thinking so much about weightloss and focusing my attention on my family and just enjoying their company. The feelings I have are hard to explain. I'm not saying that losing weight is not important because it most certainly is. I'm just having a very hard time placing focus on that right now. I'm not an overly religious type person, but there are certainly times when I wonder "was I just meant to be big". Was that His plan for me? Obviously, how would I know.
But the bottom line is... I'm enjoying life in the aspect that I love being around my family - kids, husband, etc. But, the pain in my knees and feet isn't fun to put up with on a daily basis. So I know I need to step up on the activity. I know I can find fun (non work) ways to do that...exercise in disguise if you will.
I hope this derailment doesn't last too terribly long. The holidays are coming very soon. Christmas hasn't been the same since my mom passed away and now this year on my dad's side... there have been issues as well so there probably won't be any gatherings there. I'm the type that gets very torn up emotionally when family issues arise. I like to think that family shouldn't be so disrespectful of each other. But for some reason, there are those that just are.
I just had to get some thoughts out. I hope you all are doing well.
I was on my way to work this morning and broke down in tears. Driving is not a good time for crying, however at least I don't have to take the major busy highways. I was on the back roads and traveling at 30 maybe.
Last week I heard that one of my friends has cervical cancer. Now I know that cervical is very treatable if caught early, and that helps...but not completely. After that, my 8th grade daughter tells me that one of her classmates is in the hospital with cancer and that another of her classmates mother just passed away unexpectedly. She was only 30. And instead of these terrible things making me want to work harder at my efforts. They made me stop thinking so much about weightloss and focusing my attention on my family and just enjoying their company. The feelings I have are hard to explain. I'm not saying that losing weight is not important because it most certainly is. I'm just having a very hard time placing focus on that right now. I'm not an overly religious type person, but there are certainly times when I wonder "was I just meant to be big". Was that His plan for me? Obviously, how would I know.
But the bottom line is... I'm enjoying life in the aspect that I love being around my family - kids, husband, etc. But, the pain in my knees and feet isn't fun to put up with on a daily basis. So I know I need to step up on the activity. I know I can find fun (non work) ways to do that...exercise in disguise if you will.
I hope this derailment doesn't last too terribly long. The holidays are coming very soon. Christmas hasn't been the same since my mom passed away and now this year on my dad's side... there have been issues as well so there probably won't be any gatherings there. I'm the type that gets very torn up emotionally when family issues arise. I like to think that family shouldn't be so disrespectful of each other. But for some reason, there are those that just are.
I just had to get some thoughts out. I hope you all are doing well.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Commitment (or lack there of...)
It's 1:28 a.m. and here I sit at the laptop. I just finished catching up on a lot of old posts from other bloggers. I'm so proud of all of you for keeping up with your chosen plans. I wish I could say that I was proud of myself as well. But the truth is...I'm not really. I REALLY have been very busy with work and my spare time is definitely limited. But as I think about it...being busy should not be an excuse for not sticking with the plan to lose weight. I guess I figured that if I was keeping busy, then I wasn't eating as much and the weight would just come off naturally. Well, it hasn't happened that way. Bottom line is I need to work hard for this. I need to bust my ass for this. I encourage my kids to always do their best...why is that I've allowed myself to slip and not do my best?
I found particular interest in one man's before and after results. He has lost 150 lbs. in 8.5 months. I am so impressed with that. You can check it out here..
It's time for me to re-commit myself to this effort. I want this... I need this. And dammit, I can do this.
Saturday wasn't bad, but wasn't great. We had a band competition to go to. This is my first meals posting... we'll see if I can continue with this. I do post this stuff at weight watcher's using their point system.
Breakfast:
McDonald's Egg McMuffin
1 hash brown patty
1 orange juice.
Lunch:
Culver's grilled cheese
cup of chili
Rootbeer
Dinner:
2 slices Jack's Cheese Pizza
Grapefruit soda
I also had a Hershey candybar and some milk.
Looking back at that... how could I say the statement "wasn't bad"? REALITY CHECK: It was a day filled with fast-food junk.
Not only does my body need an overhaul, but so does my blog here. It's very plain and boring looking. I need some more color, something a little more fun. I'll be thinking of a way to accomplish that. I want to turn this blog into something that others can come to and maybe find an ounce of motivation for themselves or offer me some motivation.
It's time to re-commit and get my head in the game!!
L-E-T-S G-O !!!
♥
Dottie
I found particular interest in one man's before and after results. He has lost 150 lbs. in 8.5 months. I am so impressed with that. You can check it out here..
It's time for me to re-commit myself to this effort. I want this... I need this. And dammit, I can do this.
Saturday wasn't bad, but wasn't great. We had a band competition to go to. This is my first meals posting... we'll see if I can continue with this. I do post this stuff at weight watcher's using their point system.
Breakfast:
McDonald's Egg McMuffin
1 hash brown patty
1 orange juice.
Lunch:
Culver's grilled cheese
cup of chili
Rootbeer
Dinner:
2 slices Jack's Cheese Pizza
Grapefruit soda
I also had a Hershey candybar and some milk.
Looking back at that... how could I say the statement "wasn't bad"? REALITY CHECK: It was a day filled with fast-food junk.
Not only does my body need an overhaul, but so does my blog here. It's very plain and boring looking. I need some more color, something a little more fun. I'll be thinking of a way to accomplish that. I want to turn this blog into something that others can come to and maybe find an ounce of motivation for themselves or offer me some motivation.
It's time to re-commit and get my head in the game!!
L-E-T-S G-O !!!
♥
Dottie
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Weight Check In
Hi there to anyone who may be checking in on me occasionally. Life has been so busy this summer. I'm not complaining because it feels good to feel good about life. Does that make sense? For the first time in a very long time..things just feel good. I haven't been depressed. Sure, at the time of the period, I get a little mopey, but it's nothing compared to the depression before.
Work is very busy, but going well. My new boss is totally awesome. We're working on deploying Office 2007 to users so it's been interesting being one of the main supports for that. I get lots of questions. Interesting too in that I haven't been using it all that long. The look and feel of everything is a bit different, but overall so far I really like the integration with Sharepoint (our portal).
One of the girls I used to work with at my company is leaving the company...this week is her last week. She works in another building so I haven't seen her in probably 6 months. She used to be a size 22/24 and now..she's a 2/4. I was so excited for her. At the same time, I was like WOW! A real person I know and can see has lost over 100 lbs. without surgery. She's a new inspiration for me. She did the Weight Watcher program. More exciting news.. they are starting a Weight Watcher at work program..you know where I'll probably be as long as I can come up with the money.
Anyway... things are going well. I weight this evening and I'm at 386 which is 3 lbs down from the last time I updated. Not a lot, but hey...it's a loss and I'm happy with it. That puts my total to 17 lbs. Considering I haven't been exercising...I'm pretty happy with everything.
I hope you are all well.
♥ Dottie
Work is very busy, but going well. My new boss is totally awesome. We're working on deploying Office 2007 to users so it's been interesting being one of the main supports for that. I get lots of questions. Interesting too in that I haven't been using it all that long. The look and feel of everything is a bit different, but overall so far I really like the integration with Sharepoint (our portal).
One of the girls I used to work with at my company is leaving the company...this week is her last week. She works in another building so I haven't seen her in probably 6 months. She used to be a size 22/24 and now..she's a 2/4. I was so excited for her. At the same time, I was like WOW! A real person I know and can see has lost over 100 lbs. without surgery. She's a new inspiration for me. She did the Weight Watcher program. More exciting news.. they are starting a Weight Watcher at work program..you know where I'll probably be as long as I can come up with the money.
Anyway... things are going well. I weight this evening and I'm at 386 which is 3 lbs down from the last time I updated. Not a lot, but hey...it's a loss and I'm happy with it. That puts my total to 17 lbs. Considering I haven't been exercising...I'm pretty happy with everything.
I hope you are all well.
♥ Dottie
Monday, June 30, 2008
Feeling Good
Hi there all,
Someone had commented that I keep disappearing. It's great to know that there are a few who actually look for me or have me set up in a reader or something :)
Truth is...things have been going great. I've been super busy at work and it's been the fun kind of busy if that makes sense. My new boss is great. He's getting us training and letting us do new stuff, etc. So I've been learning more about this Microsoft SharePoint that we use.
I've been moving a lot more, eating a lot less and feeling better in general. The scale hasn't shown much improvement, but I can feel it. I weighed 389 yesterday. Did I mention that I mowed the front lawn with a push mower the other day! Normally, we use the rider, but I plugged myself into my new Zune and got through the whole front yard. I figure it's about a half acre in size or so...whatever it is...it's a lot compared to what I'm used to. But I did it and man was my face red and I was hot.
I'll tell you that I have just about completely cut out soda pop. I can't believe that I've been able to do that, but it's true! I'm drinking lots of ice tea and ice water with lemon! I will treat myself on the weekend to a soda pop. I haven't felt nearly as bloated as a result.
I'm actually starting to believe what I've read about Endorphins. Not only has moving more made me feel better, but the improvement at work, and choosing to change my attitude about some things. It's been difficult to change the attitude, but seriously, it's been working. I'm truly starting to believe that the weightloss just won't happen unless I'm accepting/happy with what I am at the present time. When I'm happy...I move more and feel less of a need to raid the fridge.
I do hope you all are doing well. I've got over 900+ items in the Reader so it's proof that I haven't been around the computer too much (outside of work that is).
UPDATE
I think I deserve this badge!
♥
Dottie
Someone had commented that I keep disappearing. It's great to know that there are a few who actually look for me or have me set up in a reader or something :)
Truth is...things have been going great. I've been super busy at work and it's been the fun kind of busy if that makes sense. My new boss is great. He's getting us training and letting us do new stuff, etc. So I've been learning more about this Microsoft SharePoint that we use.
I've been moving a lot more, eating a lot less and feeling better in general. The scale hasn't shown much improvement, but I can feel it. I weighed 389 yesterday. Did I mention that I mowed the front lawn with a push mower the other day! Normally, we use the rider, but I plugged myself into my new Zune and got through the whole front yard. I figure it's about a half acre in size or so...whatever it is...it's a lot compared to what I'm used to. But I did it and man was my face red and I was hot.
I'll tell you that I have just about completely cut out soda pop. I can't believe that I've been able to do that, but it's true! I'm drinking lots of ice tea and ice water with lemon! I will treat myself on the weekend to a soda pop. I haven't felt nearly as bloated as a result.
I'm actually starting to believe what I've read about Endorphins. Not only has moving more made me feel better, but the improvement at work, and choosing to change my attitude about some things. It's been difficult to change the attitude, but seriously, it's been working. I'm truly starting to believe that the weightloss just won't happen unless I'm accepting/happy with what I am at the present time. When I'm happy...I move more and feel less of a need to raid the fridge.
I do hope you all are doing well. I've got over 900+ items in the Reader so it's proof that I haven't been around the computer too much (outside of work that is).
UPDATE
I think I deserve this badge!
♥
Dottie
Friday, June 13, 2008
A Little Bummed
My husband bought the Nintendo Wii Fit last night and I got a little excited thinking "cool! exercise might be fun!" My excitement was just as quickly deflated when I read the weight limit. Of course there's a weight limit. Now why would I think otherwise. I was seriously bummed last night. I watched my daughter do some pretty fun stuff and I couldn't partake. So, with that - another thing on the list of reasons why I need to lose this weight. I WANNA PLAY!!
Hope all is well.
Take care,
♥ Dottie
Hope all is well.
Take care,
♥ Dottie
Friday, April 25, 2008
Another Reason to Get Thin
I'm going to be openly honest for a moment. In my side bar I have a link to a list of reasons why I want to lose weight. But, there is a reason that I didn't include because I felt a bit odd about it. Well, I read this on another blog and I found it hitting a bit close. You see, I do secretly fear death and the biggest part of the fear - the family having to try to find a casket large enough...taking up more than one plot in a cemetary...etc. I know I could be cremated and avoid all that, but I don't know if that's what I would want.
Well...on a bright note, my plan is to lose all this weight and get healthy and then I won't have to worry about it.
Let's kick fat to the curb once and for all!!
♥ Dottie
Well...on a bright note, my plan is to lose all this weight and get healthy and then I won't have to worry about it.
Let's kick fat to the curb once and for all!!
♥ Dottie
Know Thyself
After reading this post at Escape from Obesity, I thought I would take some time and provide my own answers to these questions.
1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat? my downfalls are salty snacks - chips and dips, chips/cheese, crackers/cheese, etc. Sometimes, ice cream
2. What times of day did you overeat most often? Late night was always tough for me. For whatever reason, I felt a need to have something to munch on while watching TV.
3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate? Honestly, I'm not sure if there were feelings. I think I always had a depression of some sort though. Seemed like there was always something going on in the family and no matter how hard I tried not to let it bother me... it obviously did.
4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder? Yeah, I guess so. I was an emotional eater and ate for comfort or celebration.
5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain? Lots of things. Started out by working 2nd shift job and eating after I got out at midnight. Then it was emotional stuff like my brother having his kids taken due to neglect, my mom's weight/health issues, etc. Lack of activity...lots of things really.
6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight? I tend to blame my mom because I feel like I picked up her bad habits. However, I know that I am the one that has to take care of this...nobody can do it for me.
7. What other behaviors made you overweight? Not being active enough, laziness, keeping my feelings in and poor self esteem...believing I didn't matter much, others were more important.
8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight? No - Not really.
9. Why did you choose that activity level? I was lazy.
10. What made you finally want to change? Lots of things. My mom's death, my own aches and pains...going through a short-term split up with my husband back in 05, just plain sick of being a prisoner of my body. I want to live!
Are you up for answering these? I'd be interested in seeing your responses if you do.
♥ Dottie
1. What types of food were you most likely to overeat? my downfalls are salty snacks - chips and dips, chips/cheese, crackers/cheese, etc. Sometimes, ice cream
2. What times of day did you overeat most often? Late night was always tough for me. For whatever reason, I felt a need to have something to munch on while watching TV.
3. What feelings were you having most often when you overate? Honestly, I'm not sure if there were feelings. I think I always had a depression of some sort though. Seemed like there was always something going on in the family and no matter how hard I tried not to let it bother me... it obviously did.
4. Do you think you have a binge eating disorder? Yeah, I guess so. I was an emotional eater and ate for comfort or celebration.
5. What circumstances in your life do you believe contributed to your weight gain? Lots of things. Started out by working 2nd shift job and eating after I got out at midnight. Then it was emotional stuff like my brother having his kids taken due to neglect, my mom's weight/health issues, etc. Lack of activity...lots of things really.
6. Do you 'blame' anyone for your weight? I tend to blame my mom because I feel like I picked up her bad habits. However, I know that I am the one that has to take care of this...nobody can do it for me.
7. What other behaviors made you overweight? Not being active enough, laziness, keeping my feelings in and poor self esteem...believing I didn't matter much, others were more important.
8. Were you active or exercising while you gained weight? No - Not really.
9. Why did you choose that activity level? I was lazy.
10. What made you finally want to change? Lots of things. My mom's death, my own aches and pains...going through a short-term split up with my husband back in 05, just plain sick of being a prisoner of my body. I want to live!
Are you up for answering these? I'd be interested in seeing your responses if you do.
♥ Dottie
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Interesting Article
I was thinking about some of the things I wanted to do back in highschool. One of those was actually become a body builder. I was fascinated by some of those guys and women. I always thought... look at all that muscle! They have muscle in places I didn't know had muscles. The work they must do! I still think that actually. I've been nosing around on some body building sites and I ran across a rather interesting article. Check it out. At least I thought it was interesting.
I also learned that one of my coworkers is a body builder. His photo is on bodybuilding.com. He was one of the transformation of the week stories. Talk about ripped! He would eat 6 small meals a day (which I hear is a very smart plan). An example meal plan for a high protein day was:
Meal 1:
1 scoop ON Vanilla Protein powder with water
1 cup egg beaters
1 whole egg
1/2 grapefruit
Meal 2:
Water
1 large chicken breast
1 1/2 cups of green beans
Meal 3:
1 large chicken breast
Lettuce
Salad Spritzers Spray Salad dressing (10 sprays)
Meal 4:
2 scoops ON Vanilla Protein powder with water
2 hard boiled eggs
1 apple
Meal 5:
1 Salmon steak
1 cup of broccoli
1/4 cup of white rice
Meal 6:
1 cup of skim milk mixed with
2 scoops of ON Vanilla Protein powder and water
In looking at it, I'm like I MIGHT be able to do something like that. Although, I have no idea how that protein powder stuff tastes. I don't know. I am studying this and thinking of different things to jazz it up to suit me...maybe adding more vegetables. He went from 230 lbs. to 186 lbs. And a body fat percent of 18% to 4.5%. I think it's totally amazing. Because this guy works in my office building, I do see him everyday (without fail) coming back to work from the gym and preparing his protein shake. It's amazing the discipline he has. I know he's also preparing for a bodybuilding contest this spring. In a way, this is all inspiring to me. I think I may be doing some more reading and learning about body builders and what they do. They are constantly working to lose their fat and gain muscle. Losing fat is what I want to do. I'm sure I can learn something from them.
Ok, I think I'll be off to work on that list of (who knows how many) reasons I want to lose weight.
Keep up the great work everyone. WE CAN WIN THIS BATTLE!!
I also learned that one of my coworkers is a body builder. His photo is on bodybuilding.com. He was one of the transformation of the week stories. Talk about ripped! He would eat 6 small meals a day (which I hear is a very smart plan). An example meal plan for a high protein day was:
Meal 1:
1 scoop ON Vanilla Protein powder with water
1 cup egg beaters
1 whole egg
1/2 grapefruit
Meal 2:
Water
1 large chicken breast
1 1/2 cups of green beans
Meal 3:
1 large chicken breast
Lettuce
Salad Spritzers Spray Salad dressing (10 sprays)
Meal 4:
2 scoops ON Vanilla Protein powder with water
2 hard boiled eggs
1 apple
Meal 5:
1 Salmon steak
1 cup of broccoli
1/4 cup of white rice
Meal 6:
1 cup of skim milk mixed with
2 scoops of ON Vanilla Protein powder and water
In looking at it, I'm like I MIGHT be able to do something like that. Although, I have no idea how that protein powder stuff tastes. I don't know. I am studying this and thinking of different things to jazz it up to suit me...maybe adding more vegetables. He went from 230 lbs. to 186 lbs. And a body fat percent of 18% to 4.5%. I think it's totally amazing. Because this guy works in my office building, I do see him everyday (without fail) coming back to work from the gym and preparing his protein shake. It's amazing the discipline he has. I know he's also preparing for a bodybuilding contest this spring. In a way, this is all inspiring to me. I think I may be doing some more reading and learning about body builders and what they do. They are constantly working to lose their fat and gain muscle. Losing fat is what I want to do. I'm sure I can learn something from them.
Ok, I think I'll be off to work on that list of (who knows how many) reasons I want to lose weight.
Keep up the great work everyone. WE CAN WIN THIS BATTLE!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Water
I didn't start the day off on a very good note. Breakfast consisted of Burger King. For some reason I just couldn't deny myself the ham, egg and cheese sandwich. Well, it didn't ruin the day so I say I'm okay. One thing I am doing right so far is getting my water in. I've got a 32 oz. Weight Watcher mug and have filled it up high with ice and water. I can't say that I love water, but at times it's fine. I just know that it's part of a healthy way of life. I would like to find healthy ways to flavor it up though (besides lemon). I haven't eaten lunch yet. I snacked on some mixed nuts and drinking the water... I'm just not hungry. Being I am at work, I figure I won't spend money on food if I'm not really hungry - right?
I really appreciate all the comments I've gotten so far. I'm excited to follow along with your journeys right along with my own. At some point this week, I will try to post a beginning picture and a weight and maybe some measurements. Ugh! The thought of it truly sickens me, but I do know that it's the only way I'll see the true progress.
I really appreciate all the comments I've gotten so far. I'm excited to follow along with your journeys right along with my own. At some point this week, I will try to post a beginning picture and a weight and maybe some measurements. Ugh! The thought of it truly sickens me, but I do know that it's the only way I'll see the true progress.
Monday, March 3, 2008
I'm Not Alone
Do you know how good it feels to realize that I'm not alone in this weightloss battle? I always hear about how "fat" america is and that obesity is at an all time high. But you know... it seems like everytime I go somewhere, I always felt like I was the fattest one there. I felt like I was the only "fat" one there. At times I found myself thinking, if obesity is on the rise, then where the heck are these people? Why do I feel like I'm all alone in a world full of skinny people who have no idea how I feel. Many of them look at me and assume I'm some fat lazy pig. Well, today I was feeling especially depressed again about my weight and decided to google "lose 200 pounds". I was curious to see what would come up. I did not expect to find a blog of another woman who calls herself Chubby Chick who is also trying lose weight. In checking out her blog, I was excited. Not that I feel anyone should have to deal with morbid obesity, but I was excited to find that I'm not alone. The number on the scale is a large one and I'm not alone. The BMI is way higher than it should be and I'm not alone.
I cannot fit comfortably in a booth - I'm not alone
I cannot fit comfortable in a theater seat - I'm not alone
I cannot shop for clothes at WalMart or Target - I'm not alone
I REALLY WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT ONCE AND FOR ALL! - HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR "I'M NOT ALONE!!!"
I had mentioned the option of surgery and in all honesty, I'm really not that interested in it. I would much rather make the traditional method of healthy eating and exercise work for me. It can be done. Now that I know I'm not alone, maybe it'll be easier to stick to a plan. I look forward to building relationships with others who share my quest for better health.
I cannot fit comfortably in a booth - I'm not alone
I cannot fit comfortable in a theater seat - I'm not alone
I cannot shop for clothes at WalMart or Target - I'm not alone
I REALLY WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT ONCE AND FOR ALL! - HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR "I'M NOT ALONE!!!"
I had mentioned the option of surgery and in all honesty, I'm really not that interested in it. I would much rather make the traditional method of healthy eating and exercise work for me. It can be done. Now that I know I'm not alone, maybe it'll be easier to stick to a plan. I look forward to building relationships with others who share my quest for better health.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Been a Long Time
It's been so long since I've posted here and for a while I thought I was going to give up this blog. I also have another one I post to. However, lately I've been bothered by my weight. Not like that is anything new by any means. But, my knees have REALLY (can I say it or emphasize that any more) been bothering me. Some times, it's to the point of tears. Many mornings I awake and just want to roll over and go back to sleep. Going to work is the last thing I wanna do. My knees aching have slowed me way down. It's really taking its toll. It's starting to bring the rest of me down. Depression has arrived. I'm going to see the doctor Monday afternoon. I just may discuss the Gastric Bypass Surgery. Granted, surgery scares me, but on the same token so does the thought of not being able to walk anymore or do other things because my weight is limiting my existence. I really have tried to lose weight and have been successful short term, but then something happens in the family and I fall...and it spirals into failure...and the depression kicks in again. It's almost like a very vicious circle. I've got to do something about it. If there is anyone that reads this blog, do you have any thoughts on the surgery? I'm interested in your opinions.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Update - Post Thanksgiving
Hope everyone had a blessed Thanksgiving. Mine was enjoyable. We cooked and had family here for dinner. Given the holiday where food is a big theme, I really expected to see some gain this week. However, when I weighed myself yesterday morning...I was so close to my first goal of a 10 lb. loss. My actual weight was 391. Just one more pound and I'm there. T.O.M. decided to show up today so I'm not sure how well my next weigh-in will go. I seem to gain a pound or so during that time.
I'm pleased with how I've done, but after watching Montel Williams on Friday, I began to doubt that I could really get to my ultimate goal on my own. The topic was on morbid obesity and he had a couple doctors there (father and son team) from the TV Show Big Medicine. I've seen the show and the results that some people have had are amazing. I just don't know that I want to have the surgery without giving a really good try on my own. I've done weight watchers and lots of other diets before, but I can't say as though I really gave it the good try then because I gave up before 6 months or so. I didn't have the drive then. I was younger and didn't think about a whole lot. But now... my mentality on lots of things has changed. My mom's passing as well as other family members has touched me in so many ways. I'm 36 and have two wonderful daughters. I really want to be around for a long time. I want to see my grandchildren grow should I be blessed with them. My husband did have gastric bypass surgery and he went from 430 lbs. to about 220. He looked great. However, after it got to the point where he could eat regular food again... he began to struggle and has now actually gained some of the weight back. It was like the surgery helped him lose the weight, but it didn't help him change his attitude toward the food... his actual mind set, etc. I'm not saying the surgery is bad because it's certainly a god send for those patients that are bedridden. I actually wish I would've have known about these two doctors back when my mom was alive. Maybe they actually would've taken the risk to do the surgery on her. Who knows.
As for me... I'm giving the good old lifestyle change a good effort. I'll be reporting back here and sharing any other good tidbits I find along the way.
Let's go losers!! Keep on keepin' on.
I'm pleased with how I've done, but after watching Montel Williams on Friday, I began to doubt that I could really get to my ultimate goal on my own. The topic was on morbid obesity and he had a couple doctors there (father and son team) from the TV Show Big Medicine. I've seen the show and the results that some people have had are amazing. I just don't know that I want to have the surgery without giving a really good try on my own. I've done weight watchers and lots of other diets before, but I can't say as though I really gave it the good try then because I gave up before 6 months or so. I didn't have the drive then. I was younger and didn't think about a whole lot. But now... my mentality on lots of things has changed. My mom's passing as well as other family members has touched me in so many ways. I'm 36 and have two wonderful daughters. I really want to be around for a long time. I want to see my grandchildren grow should I be blessed with them. My husband did have gastric bypass surgery and he went from 430 lbs. to about 220. He looked great. However, after it got to the point where he could eat regular food again... he began to struggle and has now actually gained some of the weight back. It was like the surgery helped him lose the weight, but it didn't help him change his attitude toward the food... his actual mind set, etc. I'm not saying the surgery is bad because it's certainly a god send for those patients that are bedridden. I actually wish I would've have known about these two doctors back when my mom was alive. Maybe they actually would've taken the risk to do the surgery on her. Who knows.
As for me... I'm giving the good old lifestyle change a good effort. I'll be reporting back here and sharing any other good tidbits I find along the way.
Let's go losers!! Keep on keepin' on.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Facing the Truth
The truth is I weigh a lot. My starting weight about 3 weeks ago was 400! Eee-gads! I can't EVEN believe I revealed that number here. But, I believe that if this blog is going to work for me, then I need to be honest about the issue. My current weight as of this morning was 396, so I have lost 4 lbs. total.
I'm really interested in making this work. I know I can do it. What makes now different than the last 10+ years that I've been struggling? Well, I believe a very big part of it is depression and lack of self-esteem. And as difficult as it is to admit, laziness plays a pretty key role as well. I was very good at finding the excuses not to exercize.
My body is a gift from God and I really should be treating it as such. I need to stop blaming things from my past and start looking to the future. "Begin with the end in Mind" Do I want to be fat when I die? No way! I fathom the thought of a special made coffin to accommodate my largeness. Do I want to die at a young age? No, not if I can help it. I want to be around for as long as possible for my kids and husband.
Good luck to you in your challenge to lose. YOU CAN DO IT!
I'm really interested in making this work. I know I can do it. What makes now different than the last 10+ years that I've been struggling? Well, I believe a very big part of it is depression and lack of self-esteem. And as difficult as it is to admit, laziness plays a pretty key role as well. I was very good at finding the excuses not to exercize.
My body is a gift from God and I really should be treating it as such. I need to stop blaming things from my past and start looking to the future. "Begin with the end in Mind" Do I want to be fat when I die? No way! I fathom the thought of a special made coffin to accommodate my largeness. Do I want to die at a young age? No, not if I can help it. I want to be around for as long as possible for my kids and husband.
Good luck to you in your challenge to lose. YOU CAN DO IT!
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