My dad having cancer and knowing he will not get better is obviously affecting me emotionally on very large levels. I still feel numb really. I feel sad though too. I did want to cry this morning after getting on the scale. I've also had a headache for days. It's been raining and cold weatherwise. And it's Shark Week (that Time of Month). It's all raining down on me. And it's quite evident that when it comes to eating, I'm not as strong as I'd like to be.
This week, I've consumed things I shouldn't be. Soda pop, burgers, french fries, chicken nuggets, plenty of chocolate. Now I'm not saying that I can't ever have stuff like this, but I should be limiting it for certain.
There was a time earlier in the year, beginning of summer maybe, when exercise was a passion, healthy food, nutrition, fitness, etc. All of it was a passion. If I didn't get to exercise, I was upset. Of course, all through that time, I didn't lose any weight. But I still exercised and enjoyed it. It's pretty much been in the last couple weeks since finding out about my dad that this train of fitness has derailed.
The thing is though...I need to get the emotions in check because I don't want to gain anymore weight back. I don't want to fail. I don't want to have to go back on blood sugar or blood pressure meds. I don't want any of that. I certainly don't want to see 300 again. So, even with all the emotional stuff going on, I need to find strength. I need to make the right choices, I need to exercise. Even though my dad's life is coming to a close, doesn't mean mine should. Something as tough as this even shouldn't be an excuse to allow myself to treat myself so poorly.
Why do we do this? Why do I do this? The junk food certainly isn't helping anything! The lack of exercise isn't helping anything.It's not making dad better and it's not making you better! Yes, now I'm talking to myself! Think about this! What do you want? Think about this, your mom passed away at the age of 56 due to morbid obesity related issues. You hated seeing her in that condition. It hurt you. Your dad, age 60 is basically dying of lung cancer that has traveled to the brain. He spent a life of smoking and drinking and drugs. (Luckily you didn't get into any of that). However, food was your drug. You've got that addictive behavior gene. You need to listen to the mind and focus. You need to remember that you are worth it. Yes, it is hard work. No, you can not give up. You can not ever give up. NGU!
What do you want?
I want to be healthy.
I don't want to die young.
I don't want my kids to see me suffering from morbid obesity related issues.
I want to be fit.
I want to be muscular and active.
I want to have grandkids one day and see them graduate high school.
I want to be under 200 lbs.
I want to be able to run.
I want to be able to jump and dance.
I want to LIVE.
Make a plan that you can stick to and go for it. These things can be yours. YOU have to want it enough. YOU have to work for it. Are you a coward? Are you afraid? You're NOT and you shouldn't be!! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF MISS DOTTIE MAY!
A very good friend shared this video with me...it's quite awesome. To that friend...you're awesome and I thank God for you.
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