Counseling Appt Yesterday

I meant to post last night but I just got way too tired.  We had another busy day.  It was also the first day of school for my daughter who is now a senior in high school!  I'm so proud, but did get emotional about it.

My husband went to my counseling appt with me so that he could help explain what happened last week with that 'panic/anxiety' attack.  It was the first one I ever had and it seriously scared me, him and the kids.  Anyway, as it turns out my counselor believes that this co-worker is triggering anger that I have buried within me over the years.  Anger toward my dad for many life choices.  I have to admit that I struggle with being angry without guilt.  He passed away in November and I didn't spend much time with him. He didn't really know how I felt. Well maybe he had a clue, but I don't really know.  So now I work through that.  I have to.  Not easy.  I'm still off work through the 17th at least.  I will have another counseling appt on the 10th as well as an appt with my regular doctor.  We'll see what happens from there.  I'm not going to worry about stuff or at least I'm going to try not to.

I am being tested right now because of that time of month.  Seems like any emotion I have normally is that much worse during this time.  I also think I'm definitely pre-menopausal.  Who knew that entering my 40's would be such a ride!

Today Kara, my youngest has orientation for her first job.  I'm excited for her but nervous about it too.  My little birdies are gaining flight and it's such a tough thing for me as well.  My focus and passion for 20 years has been on my kids and husband...never really on me.  Now that the kiddos are so close to flying this nest, I'm forced to try to figure out me.  What!?  I've not ever been quite so confused. Who I am? Really?  I have never needed to spend time trying to figure that out.  What do I really want?  I thought I wanted to do schooling for health and wellness, but really...I'm not sure.

I'll just keep praying and see where this goes.  One day at a time.

Peace.Love.Smile